Back to Painting Soon July 14, 2015
Life has been, well, crazy. In the span of just two weeks my beloved dog passed away, I got married, and my new husband and I moved from Milwaukee, WI to Austin, TX. I think those are all the big life moments that I can handle for a while…
It has been an emotional time for me to say the least, and I have been filling these past few weeks with both happy and sad tears. I’m trying to let myself go ahead and feel the mix of emotions that I need to feel during this time. I still miss my dog, Bailey, immensely. I am actually writing this at 2:00 AM because I am having trouble sleeping without Bailey by my side. I am also happy to be married to the wonderful man that I now get to call my husband (and I’m still getting used to even calling him my husband). I am excited for our new adventure here in Texas, but our new house also feels quite lonely without Bailey and my family nearby. And I’m exhausted from all the packing and unpacking! Talk about a lot of emotions to feel at once!
Someone wise reminded me recently that I am going through three of life’s big stressors all at once, so it is okay to deal with and process everything at my own pace. It’ll take some time to feel a sense of normality again, but for me that starts with painting again.
Making art is my way of keeping a diary- it allows me to express how I am feeling in the moment. And it is through this process that I both find and lose myself at the same time. It has been about a month since I have painting or even sketched anything, and for me that is way too long. As an art therapist, I know the healing powers that art can bring, so I know that making art is in my best interest for my sanity if for nothing else. I started setting up my art studio earlier today so that I can finally sit down to paint again very soon. The studio will be a work in progress for a while, but as long as I can start creating art again I think that it’ll do nicely.
Life is chaotic. And there has been quite a mix of good and bad chaos in my life lately. I can definitely say that this point of my life is full of transition, and I am in the middle of processing it all. I’d like to share with you all just what kind of chaos has been occurring in my life, and I think the best way to share that with you is through art. I’ve been keeping a drawing journal to jot my emotions down, which has been helping me process things in my own way. So I thought that I would share a few of my drawing journal entries as of lately while also sharing a bit about my life right now.
Some of you may know that I am getting married in June to the most amazing person. As I am sure many of you can relate, planning a wedding is certainly a mix of both good and bad stress. And on top of that, we will be moving cross-country right after our wedding (more on that to come)! And even though I am beyond excited to marry my amazing boyfriend of almost 10 years, I have been struggling with some sadness during this time as well. You see, time is a funny thing, how it works both for us and against us. So while I have been looking forward to getting married for some time now, there is something going on in my life that also makes me wish time could move slower or even just stop for a bit…
My dog, Bailey, is sick. He has cancer. Cancer that is not going away. We found out in January, so it’s been a tough time for me ever since we got the news. He’s been in my life since he was a newborn puppy 16 years ago, and it is pretty much impossible for me to think about life without him. I know that I have been lucky to have him in my life for this long, but that doesn’t make it any easier. He is family to me, my best friend. He has been by painting buddy for years. He is a fighter, and I am so proud of him for that. But I know things are getting harder for him. And seeing him decline as the days and weeks pass is excruciating. All I can do is be there for him and try to lessen his pain. I’m not ready to say goodbye, but I know that day is coming soon. So right now, my art business has taken a bit of a back seat while I care for him and try to spend time with my Bailey while he is still around.
I don’t think I’m ready to share all of my emotions surrounding this period of transition for me, especially because I am still processing everything. But I wanted to at least share with you some of what I am going through right now, especially because it has been influencing me as an artist. I read during my training as a counselor that chaos plays a critical role in creativity, growth, and change. And now that I am truly in the middle of the chaos, I can better understand what that all means.
“In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” – Carl Jung